the one in which derek’s dick disappears
this is for hatteress, meechwoods, wolftraps, keriarentikai, oliverbolliverbutts and everyone that i met at bitecon who endured my ridiculously cracky fic idea that one night in the bar where i talked about derek’s dick going missing. (inspired by this awesome kirk/spock fic.)
dubious consent trigger warning: a dick is used for sexytimes w/o dick owner’s explicit permission under the influence of questionable magic.
this is crack. rated explicit.
Derek wakes up from his afternoon nap to find that his dick is gone. It is literally gone; there is nothing there, and he’s as flat as a Ken doll.
You’ve reached the voicemail of Dr. Alan Deaton, leave a message at the tone.
Derek curses and decides to drive down to the clinic, only to find a definite “Closed” sign and no signs of Deaton anywhere.
He calls Scott.
"Oh, Deaton went out of town, man, what’s up? Is there a supernatural emergency?"
Derek winces, and looks down at himself. His pants feel oddly empty and there’s a huge part of him that is screaming, “YES, MY DICK IS GONE AND I WANT IT BACK RIGHT NOW” but he has no inclination of telling Scott any of this. “No, nothing is going on,” Derek tells Scott, and hangs up.
This probably has something to do with the fairy mound they had relocated out of the Preserve yesterday. Derek thought the meeting had gone well, but obviously not.
Anyways, it’s not life threatening. Some sort of magical prank, probably. He’ll deal with it until Deaton gets back. He’ll just…go about the rest of his day without his dick. Yeah.
I’m gonna be taking off at 4pm this afternoon, so if you see me floating around and wanna do the flail-intensive greeting of the fans now’s your time to shine.
I’ll probably be hanging around the bar for most of the afternoon with a possible detour to check out the Heroic Monomyth fan panel. Aim for the chick in the rainbow beanie!
"Too often we see female characters pitted against each other for jobs or for men. While the ladies on Brooklyn Nine-Nine are certainly competitive, they do not tear each other down or view each other as rivals. [They] are all wildly different characters, but they come together to support each other as friends and colleagues." (x)
Bring on ALL the awkward prom photos!
queen of my heart
Reading some of the reactions from Bitecon-goers, I’m predicting a 500% uptick in fics where Victoria Argent rises from the grave like some flame-haired avenging angel and lops off Gerard’s head with one mighty blow of her righteous sword.
…make no mistake, I AM TOTALLY HERE FOR THAT.
So a while back I was contacted by BiteCon to design a pass. They were so sweet and I had a great time!
It’s the WOLF PACK ticket featuring Kira, Lydia, and Allison. This version is a little different from the actual ticket (which due to the small size featured only flat colors).
It’s on my society6 if you’re interested :)